Senior Tories are privately informing that the shock rise reported today by the Office for National Statistics in the Rough Sleeper Death Rate was due to an increase in drug misuse among the great (street) unwashed.
The above chart is the number of recorded Rough Sleeper Deaths as a percentage of the official rough sleeper count figures and high level sources in the Conservative Party are outraged that the ONS and Guardian are instead using the following chart
The above chart has outraged senior sources in the Conservative Party who say the chart does not take into consideration the welcome 94% increase in rough sleepers created by the successful Conservative welfare reforms from 2013 to 2018 when rough sleeping numbers recorded in official counts increased from 2,414 to 4,677.
“Only 15% of rough sleepers died in 2018 and is a near 25% fall in the numbers of rough sleepers who died from our welfare and homeless policies in 2013 that we are not getting universal credit for” bemoaned one senior cabinet member.
Other senior sources are similarly outraged at the lack of universal credit the reductions in rough sleeper deaths the party is getting over the past 5 years. “It just shows that John Humphreys was right to expose the liberal bias of the BBC in reporting these figures” said another source who went on to say that “the pressure we have had to put on the BBC for not reporting them today in the middle of our glorious conference is far too onerous for any government and quite why the BBC thought that this 200 year old further confirmation of Burke constituted news is beyond comprehension.“
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government said
“The figures reveal our strategy is clearly working as not only has the 93% increase in rough sleeping seen a 25% cut in the rough sleeper death rate in just 5 years, it has enabled a greater life expectancy increase from 43 to over 44 years of age.”
Numerous sane people were contacted for their comments for the universal credit the government deserves and all declined to respond.
Tarquin de Pfeffel Featherstonehaugh-Mogg, Manchester
Speye Joe 